SEX AND THE SINGLE OSTOMATE

from the files of the former UOA

So you have an ostomy, Individuals with ostomies have proven that they can achieve anything they desire. An ostomy alone is not a deterrent to any activities you are otherwise capable of, and that includes your social life. Whether a person desires companionship, active participation in sex, or a serious romance leading to marriage, how one’s surgery will be accepted by a potential partner or friend is a normal concern. Body image is the way we see ourselves in the mirror and like to imagine our appearance. Although the change seems so great to oneself, most others do not see the ostomy as changing in any major way the person they love.

Harmony within oneself proceeds harmony in a relationship.

Sharing the New

Whom. You can choose whom you want to tell. Sexual partners will naturally have to be told because, covered or uncovered, the stoma or pouch will be apparent during intimate moments. You should tell a prospective marriage partner, because being open and honest is important to the success of any marriage. In addition, the reaction to your disclosure gives a good indication of the person’s feeling about the whole you

When. You can pick your time to tell but it seems better to tell early in a relationship. This not only relieves your anxiety, but also if there is an adverse reaction, the let down is not as harsh as it might be later. Most people prefer to tell at a time when there is a calm and understanding mood with their partner. Do not wait until ‘discovery is imminent.”

What. When you explain the surgery, do it clearly and confidently, with self-assurance. Start with a simple explanation. You need not be too detailed and technical at this point. Emphasize that this type of surgery was necessary and that managing your ostomy does not interfere with your activities and enjoyment of life.

Rejection. People do not fall in love with, or like, everyone they date. Nearly every world-be lover gets his or her share of romantic rejection. Individuals with ostomies are no exception. When you experience rejections, your ostomy may seem to be the only reason; however, chances are it is really only a convent excuse. Be sure it is rejection and not misunderstanding. Allow enough time for him or her, to think it through.

31